Today, we salute you…

I’m looking at a job at a golf course.  This would involve working outside quite a bit.  Given my complexion (which is decidedly Nordic), I figured this Bud Light commercial would be appropriate.

I’m very fond of those. The rest of them can be found here.

The (Un)Employment Pages, Bouncing Quarters, and Other Things

I’m looking for a few things right now, the most immediate of which is a better idea (or two or three) for this post, but a general goes to war with the army he has.  (Politicians don’t have the same level of moral comfort, but that’s a separate issue.)

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I need money now.  A new job.  I’m about to sell a few things on eBay, so that should net me some sporadic (although substantial) income.  It’s not likely to beat a steady paycheck; few things do.  But I’m still looking, fossicking through what remains of Michigan’s heavy-industrial economy.  

I was just told today that I could become a carnie.  Work a concession stand for eight-something or more an hour tax-free. This sounds nice. What doesn’t sound so nice is traveling around the state with an indeterminate number of sweaty dudes in a trailer.  I have a mental picture of some twenty-five-year-old alcoholic spooning me in an empty parking lot outside Marquette.  Call me unadventurous, but running away and joining the circus really wasn’t what I had in mind when I told my relatives I needed work.

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Related issue: there’s a ton of shit I want to buy with the money I’m not making!  New watch.  I’m looking at this Citizen. I’ve had enough of straps, as they tend to discolor, smell, and become uncomfortably moist whenever one perspires. Therefore, it will be replaced with something metal.  Then there’s this thing, which will allow me to control the array of amplifiers, hard disks and computer displays that surround my desk throughout the school year. It’s cheap, and it’ll probably look kind of cool too. I also could use a new pair of speakers, but there’s no need for me to talk about that right now. No, we can save that for later. I’m sure I’ll write more than anyone wants to read about that soon enough.

But enough of my consumerist whoredom.

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I need some tail this summer.  Nothing long-term or serious.  Think of it this way: you had pen pals in middle school, right?  Well, this is the same, but with sex rather than letters, and sans the awkward impositions of the US Postal Service.

I guess I’m describing a booty call.  Either way, the chances of this occurring are infinitesimal.  Perhaps I’m not doing enough to get it in gear, but I’m not in school, and my place of employment is essentially a sausagefest.  The options are limited.  I also require someone I can break ties with at the end of the summer, despite that individual’s potential displeasure.  But there aren’t too many people in this town who go to the same place as I do come September.  Ain’t that a shame.  (Cue piano.)

Either way, there’s a long summer ahead of me.  

I plan on making the most of it.

Grapevine

There are times when being a male can be overly complicated. For example, trying to plan your life around the Stanley Cup Finals can be a daunting task. However, I recently found myself in one of life’s paradoxes that I cannot seem to shake.

I have learned that a woman I know might be interested in having sex with me.

I know what you’re all thinking: how is that complicated, or a bad thing at all? You are partly correct. At the end of the day it is a good thing, knowing that an attractive female might be willing to have intercourse with you. My problem with the situation is that I cannot stop thinking about this once platonic friend as more than such in my mind. All I can think about is how I could change things from a friendship to a relationship, and realistically that’s not a good way to maintain a friendship.

Second, I know somewhere in my male subconscious I am very proud of the following statements – but on the outside I can honestly say I’m not sure how to feel. This mysterious women who might have sex with me is really only interested because of several fantastic references from my past partners. It just make me wonder if my best asset to any relationship is the effort I put into sex. I just thought I would be known as a great guy and not this skilled sexual being.

Anyway I think we are finally going to make an honest effort towards this blog, have to see where it ends up.